FUNNY POLITICS Watch the Bush and Kerry video campaign here. |
YOU KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED TO MATRIX IF... You see a guy in a black suit and you run. When you skip your final exams and calmly try to explain to your professors to simply realize the truth, there are no exams. Start digging in hope that you would find Zion. When you try to argue the symbolic meaning of a tomato. When you answer a ringing phone and hope it's Morpheus. When you try to program the Matrix in C++ You study French so you can curse in it. When all old, black women look like the oracle. when you hear the sonic boom of a fighter jet and yell "IT'S NEO!!!" when you go to the CIA and ask to speak to either agent smith, thompson, jackson, brown and jones. when u ride on top of a truck, get another truck to head-on, and expect Neo to fly in and rescue you when you close your front door and open with your key expecting to walk into a bigger house. Then when it doesn't happen you try one of your other house keys to see if that one works... When you have some sort of deja-vu and you start to run like hell... You can't help but smile when you see a pair of twins out in the store or mall. When you try bend the spoon for breakfast You start selling red and blue pills and white rabbits in a store. Every time you answer your phone you say "Operator". Every Sunday you and your friends meet up in the sewers for secret meetings. You buy silk when the world around you is full of teachers, docters, lawyers, carpenters, business men... Go to china, find a keymaker, kidnapp him and imprison him in your dungeon for his keys. Go fight a french guy and his bodygaurds for no reason. YOU KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED TO COFFEE IF... You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You chew on other people's fingernails. You don't sweat, you percolate. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup. You answer the door before people knock. NEW POLICIES IN CORPORATE AMERICA EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. SICK DAYS We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. PERSONAL DAYS Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. VACATION DAYS All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan 1, July 4 & Dec. 25. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done. ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement RESTROOM USE Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employee's supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. HAVE A NICE WEEK Management _______________________ |
FEATURED JOKE N.2 You Know You Are In Trouble When... .... Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the CIA is on line 2, and CNN is on line 3. ... People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary. ... You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together. ..... Read More Look Here: we found Ben Laden |
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FEATURED JOKE N.1 How You Can Tell When It's Going To Be A Bad Day 1) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold 2) You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your office 3) You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city 4) Read More |
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A SUNUNET INC Production - 2002 All Rights Reserved - |
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FEATURED JOKE N.1 How You Can Tell When It's Going To Be A Bad Day 1) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold 2) You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your office 3) You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city 4) Read More |
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The mad cow desease: click and listen.... |
FEATURED JOKE N.2 You Know You Are In Trouble When... .... Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the CIA is on line 2, and CNN is on line 3. ... People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary. ... You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together. ..... Read More Look Here: we found Ben Laden |
YOU KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED TO MATRIX IF... You see a guy in a black suit and you run. When you skip your final exams and calmly try to explain to your professors to simply realize the truth, there are no exams. Start digging in hope that you would find Zion. When you try to argue the symbolic meaning of a tomato. When you answer a ringing phone and hope it's Morpheus. When you try to program the Matrix in C++ You study French so you can curse in it. When all old, black women look like the oracle. when you hear the sonic boom of a fighter jet and yell "IT'S NEO!!!" when you go to the CIA and ask to speak to either agent smith, thompson, jackson, brown and jones. when u ride on top of a truck, get another truck to head-on, and expect Neo to fly in and rescue you when you close your front door and open with your key expecting to walk into a bigger house. Then when it doesn't happen you try one of your other house keys to see if that one works... When you have some sort of deja-vu and you start to run like hell... You can't help but smile when you see a pair of twins out in the store or mall. When you try bend the spoon for breakfast You start selling red and blue pills and white rabbits in a store. Every time you answer your phone you say "Operator". Every Sunday you and your friends meet up in the sewers for secret meetings. You buy silk when the world around you is full of teachers, docters, lawyers, carpenters, business men... Go to china, find a keymaker, kidnapp him and imprison him in your dungeon for his keys. Go fight a french guy and his bodygaurds for no reason. YOU KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED TO COFFEE IF... You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You chew on other people's fingernails. You don't sweat, you percolate. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup. You answer the door before people knock. NEW POLICIES IN CORPORATE AMERICA EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. SICK DAYS We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. PERSONAL DAYS Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.. VACATION DAYS All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan 1, July 4 & Dec. 25. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done. ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement RESTROOM USE Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employee's supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. HAVE A NICE WEEK Management _______________________ |
FUNNY POLITICS Watch the Bush and Kerry video campaign here. |
